Back to You - Fino all'Imbrunire (English Version)
by WildestDream96
Summary: Moving On (7x23) House does not enter Cuddy's house with the car but understands that he will never stop loving her and suffering for it. What if ..? Very Huddy, a little Angts but with Happy Ending. From the text: House looked at Cuddy one last time, she cried. He closed the leather jacket and left following the rising sun.
1. Let's Hurt Tonight

_**This is a translation of my fan fiction Fino all'Imbrunire ( s/12817900/1/Fino-all-Imbrunire)**_

 _ **I'm not a native english speaker, so I apologyise for the errors,**_

 _ **please tell me what you think and if there are any mistakes, enjoy it :)**_

 _ **The story is not over and the parts already written are under "rewriting and correction". Maybe the chapters will have the name of the songs in my "writing" playlist, suggest some songs if you want**_

 _ **It starts from 7x23 Moving On, modifying it, House has never entered Cuddy's salon with the car and will never enter it - I think -.**_

* * *

 ** _Fino all'imbrunire - Cap. I "Let's Hurt Tonight"_**

She walked slowly into her office, her eyes were still red for tears. In the head the images of the previous night ran, without giving her any respite. Sitting at the desk, her face in her hands, her eyes staring at the door. A silent prayer. But he would never come back and she knew it.

 _"You want to know how I feel?" He screamed, his body was blocking her against the wall, his hand gripping her arm. A hold to stay upright, a way not to succumb._

 _"I feel hurt" his eyes, an endless blue, a stormy sea. His mouth almost touched hers, he could kiss her, he could put an end to the pain that had tormented them for days. But he did not._

 _"I know .. I'm sorry ..." It was true, she felt guilty, she could not trust him. She left him because he had left her alone. But now she was really alone and she felt hurt, they felt hurt. She takes his hands from her upper arms and holds them._

 _"It's not your fault" He had lost her because he could not face the pain, the fear of losing her. And it was only his fault. He pulls his hands free and walks off without looking back._

The clock now marked midday, when Wilson, knocking, entered his office. His gaze met his blue and tired eyes.

"What's up?" He approached the desk, noticed the woman's hands shake "Where is House?" He was the only one who could reduce the strong Lisa Cuddy in that state, and it was not the first time.

A shudder shook Cuddy's back when he heard his name, his eyes filled with quick tears they began to run down his face.

 _He turned the small brush in his hands, it still had his scent, the one he loved so much. His cane hit the door hard, once, twice, three times. Was he there just to give back a stupid brush? Cuddy opened the door aware of who he was facing._

 _"I brought you the brush ..." The look down, did not want to meet her eyes again._

 _"Thanks" Should she have asked him to come in? To speak maybe? To try again? Those last weeks had been so stressful, she thought she would succeed, that she could move on, but now she realized she could never, never stop loving him._

 _He stood at the door staring at her, trying to tell her what had brought him there. Being friends again, this had written him 'Rachel', was that why he was there? To try to be friends?_

 _"I miss you" Her voice was a whisper to the point that House thought he had imagined._

 _"Don't do it Cuddy, don't do this, you'll get hurt." He raised a hand up to his face, brushed her hair._

 _"I miss you" She repeated looking up and meeting his eyes. Her voice was firm, but her hands along her sides trembled._

 _The cool evening breeze made her shiver or maybe it was the hand of the diagnostician who gently stroked her face. Eyes to eyes. Lips touching each other. It was natural as if they had not done anything else in life._

 _Nothing in the world mattered: there were only their narrow bodies that sweetly loved each other all night long._

"He's gone" The tears flowed copiously down his cheeks, breaking the sound of his voice "It's only my fault: I asked him to be with me, without understanding how much he hurt him. I left it because it was easier than admitting that I was afraid of being really close to him, when he really needed me when we needed each other "

Wilson shook her hands, trying to reassure her, "Lisa .."

"When I saw him in that bathtub full of blood, I was afraid of never seeing him again and I understood. I felt like an idiot. I wanted to go back, but he chose for both "

 _She opened his eyes looking for him in the room, but he was gone. She even checked under the bed, hoping for one of his stupid jokes. Outside, the day was just beginning, and the dawn light barely lit the room. Cuddy switched on the light of his lamp and noticed them. On the pillow were his brush and a note: 'Forget me and be happy. Do not look for me because you would not find me._

 _Cuddy read those few words dozens of times, unable to understand their meaning. He did not want to believe that he really was gone, not when she finally realized she could not live without him._

 _House looked at Cuddy one last time, she was crying. He closed the leather jacket and left following the rising sun._

 _ **You came to me and said, "that's enough"**_

 _ **Oh I know that this love is pain**_

 _ **But we can't cut it from out these veins**_


	2. Save Myself

_Hello!_  
 _Here is a new chapter, thanks to those who read and who decided to follow the story :)_  
 _As usual, forgive any errors._

 _Enjoy it!_

* * *

 _ **Back to You - Fino all'imbrunire - Cap. II "Save Myself"**_

Cuddy, sitting on her couch, was looking casually at Rachel while she was building a tower probably taller than she was.  
"Mommy!" The woman gently placed the tea she was holding in her hands. She moved, letting Rachel climb onto the couch.  
"When is House back? I want to play pirates with him! He doesn't want to be my friend anymore?" Her big eyes, wide open, waiting for an answer.  
"Of course he still wants to be your friend, honey, why do not you teach me this pirates game now?" She did not know exactly why she had lied to her but she could not help it. She did not want to share her pain with Rachel and perhaps that lie was a way to keep alive the possibility of his return.  
"So we can play all together?" She said with a smile, the trepidation in her eyes, as if her life depended on that answer.

House squeezed the empty orange bottle of Vicodin between his fingers: how far should he run away to stop feeling that weight oppress his chest? To stop seeing his face every time he closed his eyes?  
Days of Vicodin and alcohol had certainly not relieved his pain: "I can do better". He had told her that night. He had begged her not to leave him, but she had been afraid and had chosen the simpler way, the road without him.  
Could he really change? Could he really have done better for her? People do not change, he had always been sure of it.  
 _"You have made me a worse doctor, and people are going to die because of that. And you are totally worth it. If I had to choose between saving everyone or loving you and being happy, I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you."_  
He left the glass still full on the counter and hobbled down to the exit of the bar.  
The moon shone high in the sky when - finally - it reached its destination.

"It's not working, Wilson!" He had entered his friend's apartment and had waited for hours. "You are late, Jimmy! Were you in good company? ".  
"House! What the hell are you doing here? "  
"Well since I left, you never stopped looking for me, why are you complaining now? Did you find me!"  
"You disappeared for two weeks, House! I thought you were dead. I was worried. Cuddy was worried ... "  
"Keep out Cuddy!" He shouted, his gaze blank. He brought a hand to his leg, with a grimace of pain.  
"What happened?"  
"I just returned her brush, she cared so much" A mask of sarcasm painted on her face.  
"It had to be a really important brush." Wilson approached the couch and sat down.  
"I wanted to change, but it did not work .." The gaze on the shoes, the stick that swirled quickly between the fingers.  
"You just wanted to forget"  
"Same result, different methods"  
"You must talk to the Cuddy"  
"And you should stop having fun with the ladies dying" He sighed, got up from the couch and went to the door. "I have to stay away from Cuddy"  
"Why? What are you afraid of?"  
"Because I am a toxic, I am unhappy and I make her unhappy."  
"But you love her"  
"This is not enough"

 _ **Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels**_  
 _ **I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills**_  
 _ **And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf**_  
 _ **So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself**_


End file.
